immatureness

takes over when people yell at you over the internet not having enough balls to say it to your face and anonymously. grow up. get over yourselves and learn to stand up for yourself. if you seriously have a problem with me, please tell me. confrontation is my favorite :). kaythanks.

can you..

please annoy the crap outta me and cover my facebook homepage with annoying comments back and forth to each other. im thinking you're sitting beside each other. tell them facetoface or even via text. no one finds it cute but you. it actually makes me quite sick and annoyed.

kaythanks, annoyed heather :

and im sickkk! getting sicker by the minute.

jealousy is such an ugly emotion.

but yet. im always always always jealous of something. if it seriously was so ugly to me, why do i feel it. why do i allow myself to drown in it even sometimes. it seriously doesnt make sense to me. but i guess the saying " you cant always get what you want" goes true for me and everyone else. no matter what people say, they will be jealous of something in their lifetimes. it doesnt matter what it is. the way someone looks, who likes who, their clothes, their boyfriends, their cars, cash, house, anything and everything you can be jealous of. i need to stop that feeling now. i need to learn to be happy with what i got because its only what i have, and maybe i'll never get what i want. you know? so why not be happy with what i got. great friends, great family a pretty healthy self. not too fat, not too skinny. and im attractive-ish. so i guess for now i am going to try my hardest to not let feelings of jealousness overcome me, and im going to be happy.

anyways... i'll talk about prom some more. about how super excited i am. or the fact that if i dont shape up, ima definitely pop right outta my dress in the limo. its like oh-em-gee scary that my dresss wont fit on prom. rawr. that'd be the end of the world. and i still dont know what im going to do with my makeup or hair for prom.. at all. and im not concerned, which i should be. asldkf. blah.

what if im catching strep throat. causeee, quite honestly, thats what it feels like. and my sister and dad had it.. so uhm, yeah. not cool. or good. hopefully i wont though. kaygo!

“Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment”

we only have one life to live...right?

so mess it up the right way? right? NO. thats not my motto. it used to be until i realized i needed to make some changes in my life. things werent going the right way. actually.. nothing was. and i was so unhappy. but i realized i need God, cause hes the only one who keeps me happy. so why do i keep doing these unGodly things.. its not my fault. i swear. its peerpressure. so let me tell you about my weekend.

Friday:

i went to the nightowl festival. almost died due to joseph. had a pretty good night. it was eventful. but whatever. ended up at alyssas house. had fun :)

Saturday:

volunteered at NHS loaves and fishes project. didnt do much actually. went to mcdonalds with ashley who took me home. showered, napped, then jasmine and taylor came over. we chilled. and just let me say.. only had a little bit too much fun. i cant go into details, i would get killed. i'll let your mind wondered what really went on Saturday April 24th, ;D

Sunday:

woke up. sick as crapppp : so after they left, i showered then went back to bed. its all i could do. i was so tired, due to lack of sleep. other than that.. thats all i did. nothing. lol. i went to my dads house, got some more clothes for the week. went back home and slept some more.. so much more into monday than planned. i didnt wake til eleven. and i still felt like crap. but went to school anyways.

so yeah. thats my weekend in a very very small summary. no need to go into details. kaycool.

this week better go by fast. thats all im saying.

i got everything worked out with everyone i had issues with. everything should be peachy :) im so excited for prom. but when its over, it'll be better i think. hopefully my period wont come, because i started new BC. so whatever. everything better fall into place. everything better be perfect. maybe it wont be, cause nothing is perfect, but wishful thinking.

[:

<3

doctors office visit |:

generally im really good with giving blood at the doctors office. but, not this time. it was one of the worst experiences in my life. and i never wanna feel that way again. the dumb lady obviously didnt know what she was doing. she put this one needle in my arm, and then proceeds to tell me its too big. so she takes that out, puts in another freaking needle, this one being smaller. i was already feeling woozie by the first one, so definitely feeling it now after the second one is in and shes sitting there poking around in my vein. she asks me if im okay, and im not. theres no way im okay. she takes out the needle and im like woah now. i feel so naesus *sp. i cant breathe. its hott. my legs are shaking uncontrollably. the nurses come in there and are telling me all this stuff to do, but if i move i feel worse. finally, i just throw up. which made everything go away. i hated that feeling. i hated it SO bad. never again do i want to experience it.

something that irks me. texting people a lot of stuff and they reply one word. especially ok. RAWR. whatever though, thats how some people are. and i'll deal with it (:

night owl festival:

it was alright. i had some fun and stuff. i wasnt about to ride any of those rides though, they were too scary for me. and i dont trust carnival rides like those. before and afterwards was cool though. me alyssa mikey and dillon went to mcdonalds before the festival to work on math. we didnt get much accomplished, but we laughed alot. and joseph showed up later. but whatever. then afterwards i went home with alyssa (: i love her and miss her.

tonight:
chillin with jasmine and taylor at mi madres house. pretty excited about that :) hopefully we can find something to do there, without being bored. baha. we have secret plans though ;D baha. its supposed to storm tonight, and im trying NOT to focus on that though cause i know it'll just put me in a downer mood. so im excited :D

everyone keeps telling me:

if they're truly your friends, they'll be there through thick and thin, and wont leave you and understand when you're having a bad time in your life causing you to bust/explode/blowup. and honeslty, those are the words im sticking to. im going to find God again, cause i need him. and if you dont support me, im sorry, we cant be friends then. and it wont be my loss, it'd be yours.

excited for the weekend (:

english class, third period, this is what i write:

im so annoyed. i absolutely hate everything about the class. i hate being here. i hate the people and her voice and the way she waddles. i hate how "perfect" she thinks she is... but yet shes not. i hate how i feel so alone. and how no one really likes me. i hate not having anyone to like anyways. i hate my stomach. and my hair. and how big my hands and feet are. i hate how i dont understand math and how im going to fail it, and be in facetoface forever, which i hate too. i hate not being skinny enough. and i hate how she yells at me for stupid stuff. i hate not seeing my cousins and i hate how my grandma makes me feel. i hate that my family has no money and i hate how we have no car. i hate how my mom has 3000 boyfriends and i hate how she woke me up. i hate how small my house is. and how she chews her gum. i hate how i always want what i cant have. i hate that i love food and so i cant just stop eating it. i hate how he likes her and i how i always fall for the wrong people. i hate his looks and how he disgusts me. i hate doing projects and i hate how everyone thinks shes pretty. i hate that i have no boyfriend to show my cute panties to. i hate how i have no job. i hate that my dad has depressionand how hes not happy. i hate how he still loves my mom. i hate how annoyed i get of my friends and i hate how sometimes i dont even want friends. i hate how my mom struggles. i hate feeling not good enough. i hate how im so scared to be overweight when im older. i hate how overweight my little sister is. i hate wearing size thirteen jeans, and size twelve shoes. i hate i cant wear a two piece. i hate being jealous. i hate how my older sister has her boyfriend because i hate that i miss her so much. i hate how my mom is alway son the phone, if not that, the computer. i hate my teeth and i hate my face actually. i hate how i cant just go out whenever i please. i hate how i look down on my dad for being depressed. i hate how i didnt get my license. i hate broken promises. i hate my cell phone. i hate that i didnt get my piercing. i hate when people get made fun of. i hated being made fun of. i hate being called fat. i hate how you steal my bestfriends. i hate how overdramatic you are. i hate how i cant stand you, cause you are my bestfriend. i hate that the guys like you, cause you're not even that cute. i hate when he puts his two-cents in. i hate how you beg for attention. i hate how hard life is. i hate taking medicine. i hate trashy girls. i hate the way i think. i hate wearing clothes, but i hate my body. i hate teases. i hate fake people. i hate literature. i hate when skinny people call themselves fat. i hate how happy i seem. i hate how all i do is play solitaire. i hate when no one texts me. i hate when fat girls wear clothes that are too small for them. actually, i just at my life, thats all.

this is just random, all true, but sometimes, i have to get it out. or i'll explode, which is what i did today.

another pointless posting to get what i feel out..and to complain, which is my specialty.

im tired of annoying people. im just sick of actually feeling annoyed. its like one or two specific people that everything about them literally irks the living hell outta me. and i know i should ignore it and not let it get to me, but it does, and it stressed me out and puts me in this hella horrible mood. maybe i'll get to the point where it doesnt bother me, and im hoping thats soon, but gahhdamn, im tired of you. >.<>

my art project and one of my english projects are finished, and thats a whole load lifted off my chest. i feel as if i can finally breathe. lol.

tomorrow night im going out with my grandma to get a clutch or something for prom..which im still stressing over, but i'll deal..right? : lalala, and we're going out to dinner... chilies or mcallisters is the choices..we're going to decide tmrw :) baha.

i have alot to worry about, but im trying not to worry about it.

im actually thinking of having a after party for prom.. i just wonder if anyone would actually come.. it wouldnt be major, just my dad would grill out for us.. cause he loves me.. :) baha. but just chill time nad everyone can crash on the floors and couches..perfect right!? :D okay glad we agree.

im going to dreamland.. and to get my well needed beauty sleep.

and like taylor said in her blog, im super excited for the weekend ;D

is it bad?

That you annoy the piss outta me. i hardly wanna talk to you anymore. and another thing -- i need to stop wanting things i cant have. that wont get me anywhere. signed, hopeless heather. D:

i wish life was as simple as this road. easy going, long, and relaxing/comforting.

so i like to flirt .

big deal. sorry your boyfriend thinks im cuter than you and flirts back. i dont make him do it, but hell if i stop him. flirting with people is a good way to boost your confidence. especially if you know they're going to return the flirting. idk, i just love it. and i can pretty much flirt with anyone :) lol. with that said, i've said it plenty of times, just because i flirt with you DOESN'T mean i like you. so there, its covered, "you can go shave your back now." baha. sorry, mean girls is fit for any situation.

lets talk about the details of my weekend:
the college trip was phenomenal. like seriously, it was great. Elon was BEAUTIFUL. and State had BEAUTIFUL boys. lol. it was an older campus, but still absolutely great too. college seems so far off to me. but i suppose its not as far as i think. anyways. i think the greatest thing ever was just the bus rides. on the way to Elon, we flirted with some Mexicans behind us and asked for their numbers. they tried giving them to us, but we couldn't read their sign ( all of this a complete joke just btw ) and it was great. i was laughing so super hard. hmph, then the shirtless guys at campus. the nap from Elon to NC state was very nice. the bus ride back was my favorite though. me and Meghan had a pant-less party on the back of the bus. lol, it was just legit. and fun. and so i officially have been naked on a bus :).

after that, when we finally got home late, at nine, the tutus had a sleepover at jasmines house. we chilled at the park, after curfew, which freaked me out, cause i didnt wanna get in trouble. and then we ate minicorndogs and passed the fuck out, wayyy too late. Six came way too early in the morning. we got ready, and thought we were running late. so i've officially driven 107MPH down the freaking highway. can you talk about an adrenaline rush? yeah it was freaky. but not even. i was just concerned with getting in trouble. me and my worrying self, idk whats up with that.. lol. but we got there freaking EARLY. whatever. it was fun, but tiring. cause then i had to go to the cultural by diversity festival to help out. for four hours. it was entertaining and boring and stuff. but its extra credit.

so these past two days have been fun, but the longest days of my freaking life. lol. im so tired, even though i took a five hour nap. rudely interrupted by my dad.. whos a little jittery right now. so yeah. whatever.


im obsessed with the song "not myself tonight" by Christina Aguilera. its great, and i think im gonna live by the song. because its just talking about doing things that you dont usually do. and thats what i am going to do with my life. take more fucking chances. they exhilarate me. like woahhh bby :). and the song is just overall fucking amazing. dude.

"I'm dancing alot and I'm taking shots I'm feeling fine
I'm kissing all the boys and the girls

Someone call the doctor cause I lost my mind

Cause I'm doing things that I normally won't do
The old me's gone I feel brand new
And if you don't like it **** you"

a little bit of peace.

me my mom and my sister had bonding time last night. it made me a helluh lot happier with that situation. it didnt start out pretty though. me and my mom got into it. yelling and stuff. then i guess we both felt better and i went and started talking to her. i just wish she'd change a little. i cant control her, but yeah. just wanted to update :) hopefully today, i'll have a great day!

ranting

Like seriously, can people not just grow the fuck up sometimes? I mean that’d be awesome. Excellent. Marvelous. Joyful. Exciting. Less drama would be a result of that. There wouldn’t be pathetic little facebook fights, or people causing drama for no reason.. at all but to put their two cents in everywhere.. its not needed. Im so tired of life right now. I’ve been depressed for the past two nights, crying and stuff. And tonight im didn’t cry so that’s good, but I think cause im too tired to cry. Ima go to bed nice and early tonight. And im excited for that.

Heres the reason im so upset:
I feel so alone majority of the time. Like no one cares. Especially my mom. Like im not bashing her or anything, but she makes me feel so worthless and like im not here. Shes on the phone constantly in her room with the door shut, or shes on this computer, looking at online dating services. Which brings me to my next point…

People who try wayyyy too hard:
I cant stand them, at all. Cause if they’re trying too hard, you can tell. Its like the forty year old woman who tries to be thirty..oh wait, that’s my mother. I shouldn’t be bashing her, but I have so much anger inside of me towards her. Its like this annoyingness, but yet, it makes me the most upset. Idk where I’d be without my sisters, samantha’s boyfriend, my dad, and my friends. Honestly, probably not sitting here writing this blog, that’s for sure. Life is so very stressful, and at times I just want to get out of it. I wont do anything stupid, cause im not stupid, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t cross my mind you know? Maybe you don’t.

I’ve become so obsessed with my body. I cant look in the mirror without feeling disgusted. And yet I keep eating all the foods I know I shouldn’t. whatever. I’ll get to a size im comfortable with someday. I just don’t want to/cant get any fatter than where I am now, I cant be over 200 lbs. I think that’ll kill me. Not saying its bad to be over 200 lbs, I just cant get there. Ever. So don’t let me. Lol(:

Boys boys boys. I like boys who smell good, know how to flirt, know how to carry a conversation, make you feel cute, make your day, say sweet things, decent looking, give great hugs but…. Im pretty positive my school lacks those necessary to fit my description. Damn. It really does suck. Theres only like four cute boys at my school. Its ridiculous. D:

Stressing out majorly. Sometimes everything a certain person does bothers the hell outta me, but im thinking its just because its THAT specific person. The voice, the way they walk, the clothes the wear, how they act, everything. I just want to yell SHUT THE HELL UP. PLEASE. ..but maybe no please. I also have two projects due Tuesday. TUESDAY. That’s like in four days. And my weekend is SLAMMED full. Like wtf am I supposed to do. Cry? Cause I think I will. Lol. Or hopefully I can get it done.

I hate people who smell bad. Haven’t we ever heard of deodorant? Cologne? Perfume? BODY WASH? A.n.y.t.h.i.n.g!? lol. I hate it. And you walk past them and want to pass out. That’s really really sad, im not gonna lie. Whatever. Not me that smells so I wont worry about it.

baby you looking fiine, i have you open all night like a ihop.

did you ever talk to someone in your life and then after you guys stop talking, you actually miss talking to them, no matter how "brutal" yalls relationship ended. yeah. i have that feeling a lot lately. its whatever though, not much i can do about it, but still.

i saw a long lost "friend" Thursday. i forgot to write about him in my last blogs. his name was Randall, you probably all knew him, lol. he was in love with me in middle school. i threw up on him at a football game ( accidentally ) and slapped him in the face and got praise from the football team, and yet this poor kid liked me. so anyways, while at taco bell with Amy and Meghan, this boy walks in, and guess who it is.!? him. he notices me and remembers me and starts talking to me by simply saying " your name wouldnt happen to be heather Kania would it?" and i was like yeahhh. i knew who you were as soon as you walked in the door. and then we awkwardly talked until my food was ready, and he told me about his random pointless diet, and yet they were at taco bell. lol.

but yeah, it was nice seeing people from PR. kinda like weird though, but refreshing. :P

i seriously dont wanna go back to school. i forgot about a book i had to get so i called my grandma asking her to come take me to the store ( since we dont have a car ) and so of course she does, but not without complaining. i wonder if she cant hear herself and how annoying she sounds. no one ever listens to her. shes rude and snotty, and just everything is about her and how perfect seh is. its annoying and i generally try to drown her out. if she doesnt quit, shes gonna end up pushing us away.. just saying. now im off to my moms :) hollah at me!

its weird.

i havent fallen for someone is so long. its weird. but theres a reason behind this. in all honesty, theres no one to fall for. i just miss the feeling of butterflies. and cuteness. and actually liking someone, and wanting to talk to them. will i ever find someone to like? honestly, where will i meet them. i know everyone at school. i definitely dont wanna be alone. lol. im a freak, and just thought i'd update you on my life. some more :), to say that, i haven't seriously liked/obsessed over someone in quite awhile now. and i miss it. kay bye.

come on rude boy boy, can you get it up?

love that song. hate her.

alright. this blog is gonna cover only a lot of topics. and im excited to write about them :). this past week was spring break. it wasn't as exciting as i wanted it to be, but it had its days and fun. i was gonna give an overview of everyday, but i got bored half way through. so i erased it. baha. oh well. lets see though.
at night, i turn into a freak. i dont know why. i cant control what i do or how i act, i just come out of my shell i guess and anything goes. so thats what happens all the time. im a freak. with boys. with girls. it doesn't matter. i bite. a lot. and i dont care either. why should i care? thats who i am, so you shouldn't judge me. i like walking around in my panties. my house, your house, his house, it doesn't matter where i am, i hate wearing pants. esp. if i have cute panties, which i got some new ones from aerie because they had a sale. i was excited. (: soooo therefore, i spent a lot of time without pants on this break. it was nice. hmmmm, another thing. just because i kiss you doesn't mean i like you. if i flirt with you, it doesn't mean i like you either. so yeah. you'll have to learn that im a flirt. my friends call me a slut. im not a slut. thanks though. if you have a girlfriend, I'll flirt, but thats all. i wont take action. cause cheating is not good. like i know it happens, but i try so hard for me not to be apart of that, cause that makes the girl feel like shit. nextttt- i absolutely hate hair on the body. like its gross. yeah for my hair on my head is chill, and my arms, but other than that, it has to go. and people who dont shave and stuff, i just kinda find it quite disturbing when you have all that hair alll over you. like backs, legs, armpits, coochies, and whatever else you can have hair that doesn't belong. its gross, and i definitely dont wanna see it. so either keep that gross shit to yourself, or shave. thanks.
i make mistakes all the time. im a bitch. i find things disgusting all the time. and annoying. so lets talk about that. like why do people think its cute when after five seconds of knowing someone they say " you're all i ever think about, the only boy/girl that crosses my mind. and you make me smile" and stuff. its not cute. you're actually annoying the piss outta the others around you. whatever though.

i like to live my life. i like to take chances. and anything goes for me. I'll try almost anything once. and yeah sometimes i get scared thinking about the consequences, but in reality, i like doing things that make me feel on the edge. if it will excite me, I'll do it. idk, its like this rush and it makes me feel great. this sounds bad but i dont think getting high is the worst thing in the world. i mean come on, its illegal, yes. but it doesn't really make you do bad stupid things. it chills you out. and when high, its a great feeling. a lot of you probably would wanna punch me for saying that, but seriously, thats my opinion and life. what i do is what i do.

i need to have more confidence. my last blog talked about me and my weight. im still focusing on that a lot. i totally ate way too much over spring break. its what i do when i dont have things to do. but im going to stop that. and lose weight. mark my word. :)

so school is about to start up again. and im gonna try and be myself. 100% of the time. i mainly do it, but sometimes i feel like im acting fake. im not about to act fake anymore to make people like me. i think everyone has to have enemies, and i've finally realized i cant please everyone and i have to have enemies too. so therefore, if i dont like you, you'll see it. i dont wanna go to school though. i want more break, especially i want summer to come. now. without the storms. kaythanks, heather.

somethings really bother , more than ever now. its like its not fair to me i guess? life isn't fair. and i know i say i get what i want. but thats only with the little things. major things in life always mess up for me. its depressing. and aggravating. but i cant do anything about it, but suck it up. no matter what it is. best friends. boys. life. its all complicatedly stolen from me. and sometimes, im tired of it. or thats always.

la.la.la
i legitimately have to do my homework now. D:

boredom.

im obviously a skank because my boobs are hanging out. or not. suck it up. its pretty. :)

lol, i personally dont care about what you think of me. i used to. a lot actually. but now, i've gained a little bit more confidence in myself. not confidence in my overall appearance, but like in the way i see my face. im not that ugly. so i dont think it anymore. i just need a better body, and I'll be set. well in my head thats how i see it. anyways :)

i always have these great ideas to go on diets, and im like YEAHH! I'll start Monday. well Monday rolls around and i dont start.. then Tuesday.. and Wednesday, and therefore i never start my diet. i dont personally blame it all on myself. because, i cant just go out to the store and buy healthy stuff for me. i dont do the shopping. and plus addictions run in my family. my mom was addicted to food, thats how she got to be so heavy. shes lost 80+ pounds now, but i dont wanna get any bigger than i am now, i wanna get -30 pounds than i am now. but how can i do that when all i wanna do is eat. like im not hungry and I'll eat. or I'll just eat so much that i feel sick to my freaking stomach. thats not healthy, at all. so i have to stop it now before it goes too far. i need to find alternatives. so i need help basically.

im going to figure this out, i have to in order to be happy within myself.

being a girl

being a girl, in my opinion, has two meanings. you have the duhh meaning, of actually being named a female, then, you have that "I'm a girl" feeling when you get your effin period. A lot of things about girls holds us back, and its seriously not so fun.

in the real world, some people tend to look down upon the female gender, just because we're "obviously" not as strong as men, as smart, as witty, but yet, i think we're all the freaking same. just because you have more muscles than me doesn't mean i cant do the same exact job that you're doing. it doesn't make sense to me why people leave out the girls when asking to move a table or something. its a simple little thing but its a huge thing. i think personally we all have the same potentials.

next, getting our periods isn't fun. and we dont enjoy it. I'll tell you that right now. having this holds you back from a lot too. not like seriously, but it puts a drag on things. like who wants to go to a party with your period. you dont wanna dance it all up and get sweaty with that. its not cool. no. its disgusting. so i absolutely hate it. i have no problem with expressing my hate towards it. idek care. it doesn't embarrass me to talk about it either. all girls have it. suck it up. and i dont think guys honestly understand how painfully disgusting it truly is. they havent experienced it, so who are they to judge us. bahah :)

idk. im weird. and hate my period. kaythanks.

dreamland

dreaming is the absolute weirdest thing i can think of. like really. for the past couple of nights, i've had the weirdest dreams.. but wait, thats normal for me. i was gonna tell you guys all about my dream, but after lazily laying in bed until about one, i forgot it D: it was weird.. but interesting. i hate having those dreams when you wake up, and you think " damn it! that was just a dream" because dreams are sometimes so much better than reality. in my opinion, theres a couple type of dreams. nightmares, "trippin on acid" kinds, reoccurring and realistic.
everyone knows what a nightmare is obviously. the ones that have you waking up sweating from being so scared, even causing you to wake yourself up by screaming or crying too. they're not fun. and i dont like having them. i can only really remember one nightmare that truly is a nightmare. and that was about my little sister getting killed. it scared me so bad. and other than that, im fine on nightmares. the "tripping on acid" kind make you think "what the hell did i smoke before i went to bed" because they're just truly so weird. i love these though, because they make great stories. the next kind are the ones that happen over and over again. they're weird. but yet they keep coming back. and im like.. uhh okay? can you please be this open field with this house in the back and you have to walk through a swamp to get to it? cause thats how it always plays out. lol. and finally, the realistic ones are the ones that arent fair. they're so real, that you wish they really did happen. i usually get the guy of my dreams in these dreams, baha :P and its like, welllll, cant you be real please? sometimes you cant even tell if it was a dream or not. thats why its so great.

gonna go lay out and "tan" (aka burn) (:

two post for one day?

i have to let this out somewhere. so here i will let it out. because if not, i shall go crazy.

im. so. fucking. annoyed.

at everyone. everything. and im so pissed. and upset. and shaking. and just rawr D:

whatever. something else.. i dont think the typical pretty girls that everyone else think are gorgeous are actually.. pretty. i find them ugly. and its weird. cause everyone is like "omg, they're so pretty" and i just dont see it. i know i dont have much room to talk, cause i know im not the prettiest, but honestly, idk. i guess i have a different view point. or something. kay im at my dads for awhile. i've missed my cave ;D. goodnight<3

all natural snapple.

A baby caribou can outrun its mother at 3 days old.

have you ever read the top of the snapple bottle? these can be the coolest little facts you have ever heard. so lets talk about the one above. To me, it means that kids these days are growing up way too fast. like seriously. we're twelve years old, in middle school, having sex, getting drunk, be slutty. how is that even cool? like come on. what happened to the innocence in our world. how can you be proud to lose your virginity is seventh grade. thats like my little sister having sex, and obviously, kids that young ARENT ready for it. not emotionally of physically. but whatever. i think those experiences are better kept for highschool and mainly college though.

that was not the point of my blog

i just wanted to give you something to think about. the real reason im writing is cause im bothered. alot actually. my friends, in my eyes, are changing. and this is change i dont like. i get so easily bothered by them. they get on my nerves. this isn't how im supposed to react towards them. i can see myself drifting from some people and getting closer to others. and im confused. how can someone i love as my best friend bother me so badly? i honeslty think its cause we think two different ways. i dont let people walk all over me first off. so maybe that has something to do with it. and maybe i or even they have a more rational thinking. but i cant quite see whats up anymore. sometimes i dont even wanna talk to that person or these persons because im annoyed before they even open their mouths. and thats the bitchiest thing i can say. so i guess i'll do as i always do. if i get my way, cool. if not, i'll suck it up and deal with it. oh well. but dont start pinpointing the questions on me, making ME seem like the bad guy. cause i have my own personal opinions and so do you. i see whats right or wrong in my eyes, and you have your version of that. so if we dont agree. sorryyyy. im tired of changing my point of view for someone else so they dont get hurt, so they're happy, when im sitting here unhappy. its life and i cant make everyone happy.

everything is gonna be alright.

i guess we cant always get exactly what we want, right? right. because i used to think i always got what i wanted. but not recently. i guess continuous broken promises and things that i dont want to happen happen. My license? i was supposed to get april of LAST year, yeah still havent gotten those. i was supposed to get my industrial pierced, for my birthday, but hey guess what, didnt get that. sooo. now, we're going to prom, but im not too excited about someone going with us. i cant control it. so i guess i have to do as usual, and suck it up. and make it still one of the greatest nights of my life.

ANYWAYS. i dont always complain, i promise. but i have had alot going on recently, and it just bothers me. but tmrw starts spring break. and im only super excited. im going shopping tonight for easter, and getting an outfit, soo yeahh (: and then tmrw going to mcdonalds with errone for prom. this is going to be chill hopefully too!



buutttt, i have to go to math classsss. ewwww. grosss. D: bye!<3