a blog full of nothing.

I'm happy. or 99% of the time I am happy.
If I have a bad time at a party or hanging out with my friends, its no one else's fault but my own.
I should be thankful I get so many hours at work because everyone I have talked to only got two days or less.
I hate it when I ask someone a question multiple times and they never answer it, or ignore it basically.
I hate when my room is not clean, and I always get in these cleaning moods.
I really do wish I had a boy who gave me butterflies. But you know what they say, the easiest way to lose something is to want it too much, and I think I want it too much that I just dont even get it.
I am going to Italy in the summer of next year, and I could not be more terrified.
I am seriously trying to get happy with my body. I mean I try to improve it, but it does not always work the way I want to.
I hate when people repeat things until someone acknowledges them.
I hate that i get annoyed so easily.
I hate that I have not had the Christmas that I wanted in years. I shouldn't be this way because Christmas is not only about the presents, but every once in a while I would like to get something I actually want.
I really wish I could have my license. Two freaking years ago I could have had them. Like wtf.
I do not like the fact that I was born into a not so fortunate family with the way my brain is set up. I am thankful for what I do have, but it sometimes is not fair.
My friends annoy me more than they know.
I like being friends with the people who not so many people like because I was once in their position. Or the ones who get made fun of. I hate that.

Yeah, just a few things that go through my head a lot. I seriously am trying to be happy. Not depend on others to do that for me. I look in the mirror and see a pretty girl, just not a pretty body. I have to get better with that. I have to stop letting the littlest things to get to me, especially me finding my friends annoying, even though everyone gets annoyed of everyone. I need to stop worrying about the ones who I do not need too. I want to do things that I want to do and not care what others think. I want to make new friends, and kiss new boys, and do stupid things. I wish my little sister was not such a freaking brat all the time! Its ridiculous on how annoying she is. I wish I could go back to how I used to, painting my nails different colors every week, with different designs. I wanna be unique. More unique than I already am. I want a boy to hold hands with during the winter, to cuddle with and make sure I always have a smile on my face. The only boys who are talking to me now want pussy. And yeah, I do want sex, but its not the only thing I want. I want someone whos gonna be there for me like i am there for them and it be equal effort. That's only fair right? Right. I want to make a difference in someones life. I want to find a freaking job that I actually enjoy going too. I love most of the people i work with, I am just tired of the managers there basically. I am going to take more risks and not think of the outcomes, and why it wouldnt work, but more of how it could turn out for the positive. I'm going to smile more and just be heather and try not to be mean to people or talk about them, cause thats mean.
This whole weekend shows me that people do like me and care about me. I love my friends so much. They are really awesome, even though sometimes SLUTTY (;. lol but thats totally alright. I had fun. I miss those weekends with sleepovers and hanging out with boys.