im coming down. bring me up. take it off. lets just touch

sometimes i can be the biggest bitch i have ever met. trust me, i see this. i notice it too, its not just you. but other times, im so sweet. i try to make peoples days. thats my intention everyday. to make at least one person smile. but lately, i havent been putting enough effort into that and its weird. cause im not used to being this mean. but im going to start trying harder. because, if im not there for everyone to brighten their days, who will be? i cant depend on anyone else but myself to do it you know? Then people say things like " heather, you brighten the room" " im going to call you sunshine cause you're always so bright and happy" but seriously? that seems so hypocritical of me. how can they sit there and say that about me when i dont see myself as this bright bubbly person anymore. i try. but its getting harder and harder and my patience are wearing thinner and thinner to tolerate people and their annoyance. I'll figure this all out eventually. hopefully anyways :).

Quite honestly right now, im so tired of living my boring life. i need fun. adventure. parties. life. i need kisses. late nights. getting in trouble. taking chances. creating and finding myself. and just being this person whos not afraid to live her life the way she wants to. im gonna try and start. its another thing i have to do. i want to be known out in the world. i want people to like me. i need people to like me. or i wont survive. you can help though! take me on an adventure. invite me to a party. throw a party. make me do things i would have never done without your help. seriously, it can be good for the both of us! so go :)

uhhh. im tired of hearing my dad snore. is it bad that i get annoyed by that so easily? i think not. is it bad that im staying with my mom because hes never awake and i've lived with him for the past seven months? i think not. but he does. he thinks its "bullshit" that im living with my mom. maybe if i wasn't so annoyed by him sleeping constantly but complaining about how he never sleeps at night, well its because you sleep during the day, then it wouldnt be so bad here. i dont want to leave him. it scares me to leave him here to take care of my sister. is he capable? you know? theres so many things that go through my head when i think about leaving them here together, though im sure they're gonna be just fine.

now to the reason i actually posted this blog: STORMS.

i. absolutely. hate. storms. SO. badly.

In sixth grade, i missed 64 days due to the fact that i wouldnt go to school if it was raining, or if they were calling for rain. i even went to the mental hospital. no i wasn't crazy, i just needed to be helped. it didnt help me, but i went anyways. many people would be shocked to hear that about me. cause i dont seem like someone to end up there, but yet, there i was, sixth grade, in the mental hospital. i blame my dad for the way i acted out that year. he was going through severe anxiety and bipolarity, and i honestly think i did it to act out for attention, but that seriously became a problem for me, and held be back from a lot. I didnt have hardly any friends in sixth grade. shocking right? cause now im this social butterfly. but then, i was looked down upon. i had mainly two best friends, Jessica and Ashley who never made fun of me or mocked me or anything. i didnt go many places to hang out or to make friends. i couldnt leave that house to even go out to dinner if there was supposed to be rain that night. i was a f.r.e.a.k. the kids on the bus always made fun of me. it killed me. i hated it. i had my sister, thankfully, who was there to kinda support me. she made it a little bit easier, even though im pretty sure it probably embarrassed her to have this sister who acted like this. so that was my life through sixth grade. constant embarrassment and name calling. it got old real quick. but i couldn't change myself. i didnt know how to control it. i honestly dont know what made it better or what caused me not to worry so much. i think moving to PR definitely helped some, cause it was closer to home, a new start, and not in the middle of nowhere ( to me, Piedmont was tornado prone cause it was in the country ). But i still worried, only when there was severe weather. which again, brings me to my point. Currently, we're under a tornado watch. there was a sighted tornado just a county away. how am i not supposed to be concerned? How can everyone else be so calm about it, but my mind causes me to freak. why is this? what is wrong with me? why am i not normal? these questions go through my head every time some storm pops up. i can handle storms as long as they're not calling for severe weather. i have to fix myself before summer. or i'll spend all my time worrying about the weather. i cant do that. thats simply retarded. so, im definitely gonna make some changes. NOW.

The fucking pterodactyls! :D

i love my friends. only so much that i act stupid, insane, horny, bitchy, weird, crazy and freaky, but yet, they still accept me and my biting. im serious. once night time hits, i become the freakiest person ever. i dont know why im so weird, tbch, but i am. soo yeah :) its great.

last night at Allison's house, i laughed so hard, sometimes for no freaking reasons at all. but still, i had a really great time. i love my friends. even though i already said that. but yeah. we walked around bonterra and froze our asses off. and just had a pretty good time fighting off the pterodactyls.

SO, my mom obviously doesn't think i have any guts. i waved to this guy, who i didnt know, and she like freaked out cause i waved to a cute guy i didnt know. baha. mom, im not afraid to talk to people i dont know. im pretty friendly, thanks.

im seriously so excited for prom. its like stressful, but EXCITING. lalalala. downfall? i'll be on my period during it. isn't that the greatest thing..everrr D:

i got my class ring! thats another exciting thing in my lifeee :)

another thing : i appreciate when you guys tell me i have nice legs and you'd kill for them. you have no idea how much that boost my confidence. thank you (:

so. someone made a bet with me.
im gonna win ;D

things that are a waste of time.

Junior seminar:
like seriously? wtf. this is the stupidest thing ever invented. ever. because it wastes my study hall time and i wanna fall asleep every time i go in that freaking place. its ridiculous, and the teacher has no emotion. so therefore its a waste of my life.

Projects:
can you please tell me the point of projects? i mean personally idgaf. they waste my time and make me stress out uber uber much. they dont even do anything for me. if i read a book, i dont wanna do this whole dang analysis of it. no. i wanna read the book for enjoyment. and thats all. no work required.

Math:
uhmmmm, i used to love math, until i met mrs. burelson. I hate the way she does math class. i hate teh way she stands in front of the freaking board then tells us to copy what shes FREAKING COVERING UP. its stupid. pointless. annoying. upsetting. stressful. and i have a freaking 58! FIFTY-EIGHT. o.m.ggggg. how can i get a fifty eight when i have always been the best at math. it doesnt quite make sense to my head. rawr. asdfsf D:

the CRAZY life of a teenage.

in real life, this is how i think. this is how i see MY life anyways. its crazy, hectic, and sometimes i cant control everything in it. So, i've made a decision in my life, and its a pretty major one. I decided to live with my mom during the school week, and dads on weekends. I think i'll be happier here, less depressed. Heres some reasons: i'll be closer to majority of my friends. The only two im leaving are my guy friends, and quite honestly, they're not much of friends, so why worry. i'll be around places that i can get jobs at. In waxhaw, theres NOWHERE to work. but living in monroe, hopefully i'll be able to get a job. you know? also, i'll have more time to focus on my school work, and not be on the computer because my mom doesn't have internet. so it'll be the best bet for me to hopefully pass math and all my other classes. The only time i have time to get on, is now, at school. and i dont even have that much time. so adios, time for math >.<

sometimes you need to cry.

and everything will seem to be okay.

its okay. let your tears fall.
happiness is right around the corner

♥

confidence.

Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control.


This is me, early in the morning before i get ready. no makeup, hair just blown dried. and honestly, its not that gross of a picture. im not the prettiest, gah i know that, but my acne is starting to clear up a little more. and im starting to call myself genuinely pretty. it feels kinda good.

this is me. 1:00 last night. right before bed. and honestly, i felt pretty. i have no make up on. my hair was GROSS. but yet, i told myself i looked good. i was actually decent looking. no, im not gorgeous. or the sexiest thing out there. no i probably wouldnt go out looking like this, but for that one moment, i felt pretty, and it was nice (: lol. also, when i get sun, i feel more pretty too. like yesterday i got more than i had gotten thursday night. so again, for the second time, im not gonna wear any foundation or anything. cause i love my sunkissed cheeks :)

so you're probably wondering why im sitting here ranting about how pretty i feel all natural. its because confidence is something everyone struggles with. like seriously. and i dont understand why most of the time. everyone is pretty in their own personal unique way. and they should take the time to appreciate their beauty and accept that, yes, we all have flaws, but yet, we're still beautiful. from size 0-40000! it doesn't matter your weight. honestly, i think its the way you carry yourself. if you walk around head held high with this "fuck you im sexy" attitude, people will look at you and think, "damn, she really is hott." if you put out this positive attitude, in return you'll get this positive attitude and it'll just make you feel great.

Always hold your head up, but be careful
to keep your nose at a friendly level.

lifes too short to freak out(:

quite honestly, today was perfect. it was so pretty. so beautiful. so amazing actually(: i got a little bit of sun, and i love my face better with sun on it. so i didnt bother putting on the basic foundation and stuff today. lol. like you cared.

but seriously, i think im learning that life is seriously too short to cause issues and freak out you know? so i need to make some changes in muh life :). its greaaat. and hopefully i can accomplish some things.

i have no plans tonight, buuut, i need it. cause i need chill time. but tmrw, hopefully chillen with allison bby (:

wellllllll; have a lovely wonderful beautiful weekend [:

[:

I'd just like to say, these past two days have been excellent. honestly, i havent been in better moods. minus today, Mrs. Washburn bored me with her constant talk. all i wanted was her to be quiet for a little bit. but i guess thats her job, so whateverr. i mean, everything was chill.

i've realized one thing.. im the biggest bitch out there. well maybe besides aleks and Meghan ( no offense guys ;D) but seriously. i've learned to speak whats on my mind, and if you have a problem, then thats cool. I dont need friends in my life who dont like who i really am. i need you to accept me. and if thats too hard, im sorry, your loss, not mine you know? and i've been telling the truth a lot more lately too. its hurting people, but the truth hurts, and I'd rather them here it from me, than someone else yuh know? so im sorry if i hurt you, i mean well.

anywayysss; today was pretty chill after school.i hung out with Michael for a little, we got Chinese and walked around walmarttt(:! i love that place, and got laffy taffy ;D. then he took me to jasmines. her and Meghan were being lame, and so i was like loling at them and stuff. but i love them, cause they're my friends, and i accept anything they do. so we decide to go to the park. but then ended up going for a little walk.. yeahh little my asssss. we walked about three miles tonight. it was fun, and great. but damn, do my legs hurt only alottttt! but i know its worth it (: so everything is chill.

im excited for the weekend.
tomorrow is friday. i have no plans, but thats because i need heather time for a little to catch up on homework and reading and my paper. so yeahh its well needed. hopefully allison is coming saturday night to sleep over, so that'll be chill!

lalala; great mood. tired eyes. homework still to do >.<

♥♥♥
heather

i feel like writing again.

do you know the affects of these four words quite honestly " have you lost weight?"
maybe you dont. because you're really skinny, and have always been that way. or actually comfortable with your body. but for someone who's a little bit bigger, such as me, and is trying to lose weight by working her ass off at working out and stuff, it means pretty much a lot. I've heard these words quite a few times over the past couple of months. i say no i havent, cause i dont see it, but if someone else is noticing it, then thats pretty damn great. idk. im weird. but these seriously encourage me to keep trying, cause somewhere on my body, its paying off, and somewhere out there someone is noticing (:

xoxo,
for once in a while, im content.

i dont know whats up with the mood i was in today, but honestly, i loved every ounce of it. I was soo soo depressed last night, and then i wake up in like the best mood. i laughed an abnormally large portion of the day today. Mrs. washburns class wasn't even that bad, but thats also due to other reasons and stuff. i dont know. i was annoying. and loud, and obnoxious, but i was like.. "happy" i guess. because idk where that mood even came frommmm! lalalala.

highlights:
- got a 87 in English on progress reports.
-got a 93 in Spanish.
-got a 100 on my video quizzes, which i usually FAIL
-i get what i want
- people make me lol (:
-i didnt have to deal with certain things today.
-anddd, we got to skype cause things got messed up, so we did it!

but yeh, so i had a great day. then i got my mommy to pick me up[: and that made it even okay-er. minus the fact that her car smelt like warm freaking oatmeal. like wtf. can you please tell me where that scent even comes from!?

i have my prom date now. not a boy i like or anything, just a really good friend (:

i'll write another one later.
♥

its a fact..

so i've personally just diagnosed myself with depression. even though im pretty positive i have it in real life. Here's why: it runs in my family, so im bound to get it. I've been showing signs of it for awhile now, i've just ignored them, not wanting to accept it, and finally, all i ever wanna do is lay in bed, and never get up. im not happy majority of the time. i put up this front. and wear that fake smile, which im pretty good at. why? its easier that way. no one asks questions if you're happy. you know? dont get me wrong, i do have genuinely real happy days, that im on top of the world, like yesterday, then things change overnight. like today. Hence the reason i didnt go to school. i was up all night. tossing and turning, and it was so.. weird. i had these five random stories going through my brain all night. they didnt make sense. it was like they were real, but yet, they were dreams all the same. and i cant describe the way i felt. but all i know, was that when i woke up, i was so tired. i couldn't just force myself to get up, so finally i was like screw that, im not going to school. and therefore, i laid in bed until 1:30-ish. thats. not. healthy.

so, what is there to do? can anyone tell me please. cause i cant figure it out. and its too much put on me for me to handle.

Death stares and evil glares.

dont you love it when you do absolutely nothing wrong but yet you still continue to have those awkward times and these evil evil glares. i mean, its life, but still, can we not get over ourselves? kay thanks.


anywaysss, today was b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l. and i was in the best mood all day. even in Mrs. washburns room, i chilled myself. even though a lot of things annoy the piss outta me, im gonna have to learn to start being nicer again. cause i think it makes me happy (: so, this whole week is supposed to be this pretty, so that makes me even more super excited! so dont ruin my mood. cause im on this natural high.

bus rides :|

i absolutely hate riding the bus. hate. hate.hate. today it was especially bad though for some odd reason. it was so freaking bumpy that my boobs were seriously hurting by the time i got to school. plus, i think its ridiculous that i have to stay on the bus for almost two hourrsssss. i hate it, but yet, i dont think I'll ever get my license, or a car to even drive. so im gonna have to face the facts that I'll be riding that stupid piece of crap for EVERRR :P

hopefully, things will continue to be good for me (:

♥/>

"i have moles on my armpit, when i shave, im afraid of shaving them off"

XD. you have no idea how much i love my friends. like i've said in most of these posts, they mean the world to me(:

this picture is a picture of us on our adventure to waxhaw to have a photosesh. we're all so weird, but yet, we connect somehow, and its great. we found some really cool photography places, and hopefully we'll be back to do it again soon(:.

anyways. after i had all my little mood swings, the night went pretty great(: i told you some of what happened in my other blog, but i lied. you see, jasmine told us about the alarms, and how she'd have to fix them, and i told her she was wrong, and stupid. guess what, she was right, and im admitting this now cause i told her i would (: baha. whatever though. idontcare:P.

hmph. some things i wanna talk about.

my bed has been broken since like last semester, and its insane. i like sink into the wood. baha, so thats not so funn. esp with more than two people in it. and generally when im with my friends, there is about five or six of us in it.. hence why its broken ;D lol. but now my room smells like yummy delicious boy (: i love it. its Josephs fault, him and his yummy smell invaded my room, but like i said, im not complaining. finally, dealing with my room, there is STREAMER SPARKLY CRAP ALL OVER MY EFFIN FLOOR CAUSE SOMEONE DECIDED TO BURST IT IN THERE >.<>

panties. panties. panties.
they're sooo my favorite. idek why though! but seriously, if i have cute panties, i dont need anything else basically. and this weekend, i spent majority of the time in panties, not caring who was here. its my house, i dress how i want :)

lalala, time to paint my nails and sleeep.

sincerely,
heatherkania.
freakgirl

"heather, seriously, its running down my leg."

" im white trash.. well black trash" this is... jasmine. shes a... freakkkk, but thats... okay(: cause i love... her. shes so... random. especially when shes... tired. she has the... tendency to... hump my body pillow when shes super... tired, and acts like... a slave on my ...living room ...floor. she plays with her ...boobs, and belly ...button, and wonders stupid ...stufff. For example, since its daylight saving ...times, she asked if she'd ...have to reset her alarms because the time is ...changing, so her alarm would be ...wrong. uhm;; shes a.w.k.w.a.r.d. (: only ...alottt. "my foot was like suctioned to the floor, listen." (hears nothing)

so john wasn't invited to my house, cause he pissed me off. so he tried and tried all day to convince us to let him come. so like around sixthirty he calls and is like im coming over and i have heather's birthday present. HE SHOWS UP AT MY HOUSE WITH TWO EFFIN BOYS... I DONT EVEN... KNOWWWW. THEN THEY PROCEED TO SING ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN THEIR AWKWARD... DEEPLY MONOTONE.... VOICES. welll, after a little while, things got a little less awkward. and they were a little bit more hott. so it was okay. minus me not making out with them, but I'll deal. i guessss D: and anyways, if i grow some balls, i'll eventually get what i want, right? rightttt.

anywayssss; i wanna throw up. and sleeeep.

ohhh how i hate people who over-exaggerate and are completely fake who complain about people who are fake, when they're the fakest ones around, and BULLcrapping in their whole blogs, and everyone knows about their fakenesss. rawrrr. that IRKS ME. kaythanks.

"hey meghan, you have a little bit of a wedgie"

The magical things that happen in my room.. or yet.. not so magical. you see, my room/house has this tendency for bad things to go down. Maybe its because we're always chillin' in my room, even yet my bed, but still. I don't comprehend how boys can;t just keep it in their damn pants, when we ask them to, and they promise. No, thats stupid. Why would they do that D:


i think i've finally come to realize and accept that i suffer from a little bit of depression. i never wanted to admit this, cause i hate that feeling, that name, it kills me to watch my dad and little sister suffer from it, but yet, i've had it al along, its just gotten worse over the past couple of months. I can be having so much fun, then one thing can put me in the worst mood, like last night, and i get easily annoyed, and i dont wanna be a bitch, but thats how things turn out. and i hate when my friends are around, cause i dont want them to feel like i hate them, cause thats not the case. i just need time by myself when im like that. they still mean the world to me, and i hope they know that. anyways, the thing that bothers me the most about depression is you're supposed to take medications, and i REFUSE to take medicines because i've seen how if you're on the wrong ones, how they'll affect you, and its scary. and crazy. and i dont wanna put anyone through that, like i've been through that for the last what, seven years of my life? no one deserves to go through that.

we danced in the rain last night.. pouring freezing thundering and lightning rain, and it made me feel.. alive. i loved it. you see, im generally terrified of storms. 100% terrified. in sixth grade, i missed 60-something days due to the fact that if it was raining, i wouldnt be at school. So, being able to go running around in the street with lightning and this loud booming thunder meant something to me, actually, it meant a lot to me. and i appreciate my friends doing this with me(:


"your eyes were amazing. i looked into them and saw the ocean at night" This, is the line that will lead too, " and btw, i have crabs" (: hook ups. whats your views on them? i mean, i think if you know a lot about someone and have known them for awhile, yes sex and other stuff could be okay. but NOT when you met the girl that night and yall have sex. it shows me how easy and how much of a hoe that girl is, or yet, how easily attached she can get without even knowing you. and in this case, that was the way it happened. They met, they had sex, she tells him she likes him, but yet, he doesn't even know her enough to like her back. he freaks out, because what is he supposed to do you know? thats a major screw up situation, and i dont personally care enough, because if you wouldnt have had sex, things would have been fine. so good lucky buddy with that. you shouldn't have turned into that man whore self of yours.

boys boys boys. they're seriously so weird.. so complicated.. so confusing. or all of the above. so thats why i've come to the point in my life that boys just dont matter to me. yes, i love flirting, but being in a relationship isn't my main priority. making myself happy is, and im going to try my hardest with that.

if you fall for me, im not easy to please. i might tear you apart, so from the start ,

im only gonna break break your break break your heart ;D

lol, so this morning, is friday, and im in a pretty great mood (: this is my party weekend, and hopefully i'll get to have funn. i mean not doing anything major, but still, you know? i can always be excited. im typing this this morning because my friends are gonna be here tonight, so i dont wanna go on here with them here. woooo(: butt, im also in a great mood, cause i got new panties on. i absolutely adore cute panties.. alot. i love aerie. they have the cutest panties and stuff everrr.

here they areeeeee! these are only one of the new pairs i gotsss.

have a lovely day (:

shawty wanna thuggg, bottles in the club. shawty wanna hump, you know i like to touch, them lovely lady lumps.

"she she lick me like a lollipop"

uhm, hi, im heather, and this here band is definitely the goodest lookin' thing i've put my eyes on. and they have voices like sex. can i please have them all? ALL. :D thank you. signed, weird girl (:

lol. obviously i find them fairly attractive. i mean hey? dont you too (:. so today i had a meeting with my college counselor. we discussed which classes i still have to take, and how much credit hours each semester will hold for me. i discovered within the next four semester, i only have 11.5 credit hours per semester, and two highschool classes left, English 4 and this SAT prep online class. its s c a r y to think that soon enough, I'll be graduating, with my associates degree, and highschool. thats.. crazy! im weird to even be worrying about this now, but thats like my future. and its coming sooner than i think!

so, im definitely super excited for this weekend. like woahhh bby (: <<< haven't said that in awhile :P i need some fun. all i feel like doing anymore is sleeping and stuff, and its depressing. and i just want to party party party (:

so, now im in the most pissed off mood..ever. im so tired of this stupid life. like wtf. wtf. wtffff D: this is queer. im not happy im upset. ): i'll be okay thoughhh; cause tmrw with my friends will be good. hopefully.

its my birthday birthday birthday (:

this is me; after my birthday day (: and i look a hott mess. i blame it on the rain, i blame it on the laughter, i blame it on everything (: lol. but today was overall a freaking excellent day by farrr. everyone made me smile, and told me happy birthday and just made my life. maybe this natural high will stay, for the rest of the week. even ifs its supposed to rain, thats chill too i guess.

soooo, this picture shows how skanky i actually like being. i hate clothes.. hate hate hate them. and the more i can not wear them, the more i love not wearing them (: like if im at home, I'll wear as less as possible. and idk. i hate dress code at school. i think its stupid honestly, only because i have a lot of short things i wanna wear, but they're illegal D: ohhh wellll. I'll skank it up on the weekends :D

wellll, i have to do my homework. and go chill. and sleeeeeeep. cause im. so. tired! D:

sincerely,
heather.
birthday girl (:

wellll

i usually only do one post per night, but i guess i needed to write. so Ryan texted me, and you don't know/care who Ryan is, but he texted me. I'll tell you a little story. Ryan is Josephs best friend, and i met him one night while hanging out with Joseph. He was very very attractive but had a girlfriend. so im like Kay cool, this okay. So, like three months later, he texted me outta the blue. we started talking, and he made me feel like i havent felt before. and it was great.. so great. and basically... long story short, he had a girlfriend who he couldn't give up because he "loves" her too much, its understandable, and im not a home wrecker, so everything got screwed up and i got screwed over.. again. SO back to why i told you that. he texted me tonight. and asked me why i hated him, but in reality, i didnt hate him, and never said that, but thats what Joseph said. so whatever. everything is clear now, and hopefully we can keep talking. cause hes a really cool kiddo. lol.

NEXT SUBJECT:
i think i just watched the greatest movie ever invented.. ever. "I Can do bad all by myself" is like seriously! omg. i cried, i laughed, i felt for the people in the movie. Tyler Perry did a great job with that movie, thats for sure. i definitely recommend it, to everyone. no matter who you are. please, watch it♥

finallyyy,
people are so damn fake now a days. im tired of caring, its not getting me anywhere. if you wanna be fake, go for it, I'll sit back and laugh. oh, another thing. i hurt one of my good friends today, i told her the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts, but its BETTER than being that fake bitch i was being. so im learning that i cant always make everyone happy, but i need to be truthful, cause thats the only way im going to get anywhere.

lets get these teen hearts beating faster.. faster.

It seems like everyone now a days has their boyfriend/girlfriends, and yet, im still alone.. as always. Every time i have ever liked someone my highschool life i guess you could say, one of my friends would always steal that person. i guess they say, you can;t always get what you want. but after awhile, that gets old.. way old. So, atm, i have finally given up on looking for a boyfriend. i mean, honestly, you dont need a boyfriend to be happy. and i know this for a fact cause im pretty happy with life without one.. but i will admit that i can be pretty jealous of everyone who does have someone, so I'll just deal with it until i find someone special.. one day i guess.

a n y w a y s;; speaking of relationships, breaking up is something else big i wanna talk about. when someone breaks up, they're no longer together. yes, you can still be friends with your ex's, i firmly believe that. but once you guys are over, your ex, in reality, isn't allowed to give you these "rules" or "guidelines" on how to act after you guys are O V E R. its stupid if your ex tells you who and who not to talk to, what not to do, or whatever. y'all are broken up, you're over, you're no longer together. so suck it up, accept it, and move on with life. kaythanks..

one more thing that IRKS the helllll outta me. when someone can talk to you 24/7 via text, but you see them all the time and they never hardly say one word to you. its like wtf. you text me like we're best friends, then i see you, and its like you ignore me. could you please explain that to me? come onnn. rawrrrr.


birthday is tomorrow (: pretty excited. going out for dinner and getting my piercing finally!>

sincerely,
heather.
weirdmoodedfreak.

lalalala-lame.

can everyone please start to hate me? cause that's JUST what i want. nottt.

seriously,its as if the world is turning against me. i cant do anything effing right and its pissing me out and stressing me out. i dont recall doing anything to anyone to make them not even like me, or be "fond" of me. if i did, please let me know. cause i dont. whatever. i guess i cant win them all. and i never will be able to, so why stress myself out trying to do so? i shouldn't, you're right. and that is that.

im in the worst of moods... ever.
nothing is going right. my dad said hes not too excited about having my party, so guess what, no party for heather D: and that really upsets me. another thing, i hate fighting with my friends, but when i feel as if im putting all the effort into the friendship, we dont play that game, and obviously im not that important if you dont try either. why should i waste my time on that. yes, it hurts to be a bitch and tell people whats up, but obviously someone has to do it. and for the love of God, me and the "tutu's" AREN'T always together, seriously. we hardly get to chill that much. but if we do chill, its because i trust them 100%. with everything. i know i can say anything to them and WONT be judge. and made felt like shit. i know that for a fact they're not gonna leave me for a guy, and even if we do spend time together, its because they make me happy. super happy at that. yes i love my other friends, dearly, but its highschool, things happen, people change, and life goes on.. its a proven fact. and im learning this now. if you have a friend, who every time they get a boyfriend, you're put on the back burner, why fight it anymore and try to be their friends? its NOT worth it.. seriously.


Hmph, im gonna try this new thing on loving who i am. no im not size two, or size nine at that, im size 13 and proud. i need to lose weight for myself, but for now, im going to work with what i've got. I hate a lot of things about me, my hands, my feet, my arm fat, but i will and can work on it. its not impossible to lose weight, or get fit, i just have to get the encouragement to do so. and thats hard. especially when you have tons of homework getting in the way ( which im not obviously doing ). whatever though.

life will get better, it has to.

sincerly,
heather
superupsetbitch.

homework.. not so much.

here i am, 7:39 at night, supposed to be doing homework, but im getting so dang distracted. i have one hundred and fifty plus three things running through my head. so its like RAWR. i have a headache, im excited about my party, im thinking about this weekend, and just everything.

as you know, i went to that party last night. i made it a bad night cause i was being party pooper, but i felt like i was being judged the entire time, and that makes me uncomfortable. so i didnt do much of any dancing until about the end. But anyways, there was two sexy sexy boys, but their interests were elsewhere, and that's okayyy (: i had fun, and just chilled. It also gave me inspiration for my party, which is where my brain is definitely preoccupied atm. i mentioned it to my daddy, and hes thinking about it, but i know he'll let me. i mean come on, its my birthday, im a brat, and i get what i want.. right? lol. but anyways, i want it to be huge, a real highschool party that me and my friends wanna go to, well why not throw one you know? yeh. i do. (: so, deciding on who to invite/ who would come is the hardest part about it. but we'll see how this goes. wish me luck!

nowwwww, time for homework, I'll update you laterr!


sincerely,
heather.
overwhelmed by thoughts.

bitchy tutu.

So! its saturday night, and four days away from my birthdayyyy(:. I'll legally be allowed to watch rated R movies, and i'll be another year closer to eighteen! so its fairly exciting! Im at my bff's meghans house, with jasmine getting ready for whats supposed to be a killer party, so im thrilled for that. it'd be better if amy was going with us, but thats alright, she has other important stuff to deal with. and i forgive her (:. we're all pretty lame, me and my friends, so we're like all dressed up and decked out in our sexy makeup, we'll fer sure make everyone super jealoussss! cause we dont turn heads, we break necks ;D after the parttyyy, we'll be back here at meghans, to chill and probably talk about the night and gossip (: its what we do.


noww, back to the title of this. earlier i told you i was apart of the "tutu's" and i've concluded that im the bitchy tutu. i talk so much crap, and i hate majority of my schoool. no matter who loves me, i could still hate you. kay go. so i dont want to be this two faced person, but yet, its who i am. everyone and everything annoys me. drama, and immaturity definitely top the list. so if you're involved in that i dont like you.


welllll, time for the party

sincerely,
heather
hypeduppartierrr(;