and boy, isn't that the truth. like sitting here thinking about me this time last year has made me realize this. last year, i wasn't shy persay, but i was shy. i thought about what i said before i said it so i didnt scare people off i guess. Now, im a freak. I say what i mean, and dont really care who's listening and what they have to say about it. Last year, i was seriously terrified of kissing. I was afraid of doing it wrong and being a bad kisser. With that fear, it made me, well, a bad kisser, as i was told. But that didnt offend me. How could i be offended when i had never done it before so i didnt know what to do or what to expect. Now, i want tons and tons of kisses, and im just not getting enough. Like, that sounds really trashy maybe? or maybe not cause im not wanting sex or anything, but still. I want like just these random hookups, that i forget about within five hours. It's stupid. but i guess thats how i am. I wanna be a slut without the title of "slut." I want boys to want me. I think they do sometimes, but not the kind of guys i want to want me.
enough rant. lets talk about the party. At first, i wasn't too excited, because no one was showing up, and it just really upset me cause i wanted something big. No, it wasn't only my party, it was the tutu's party, but it was at my house, so i had higher expectations than everyone else. So if it was totally lame, i would feel more pressure on me. anyways. People started coming. This girl from my old school, and just a bunch of others. No one was cooperating and were going in the slipnslide. It upset me, cause thats not what i wanted. Then the girl from my old school "something came up" and she had to leave. Which i didnt care because she wasn't even trying to have fun, so w.e. Then like it was funny and stuff, and then we went inside. We changed and started dancing and HUNG THE FREAKING DISCO BALL FROM THE CEILING FAN WITH TAPE. who the eff does that! boys. thats who. whatever. Cailey got there with her rather attractive friend, lol. who totally had the hotts for jasmine ;D. anyways. we dance. people leave. we dance some more. more people leave. we play truth or dare, which was very interesting.. and then everyone else leaves. OH, and i got to drive dillons truck. CHICKA CHICKA YEAHH ;D. lol. after that we played with sparklers and chilled. We go back inside after everyones gone and clean up some and go back over the night. Did some other stuff. went to mcdonalds, which was closed, and then home. made some food, and finally went to sleep. Close to the end of the night, i kinda got annoyed, but seriously, thats typical of me >.<>
so i mean it definitely wasn't what i expected, but it was mega fun anyways. i tried not to be the party pooper, but sometimes, i have to, esp if it wasn't going my way D: then today we like cleaned up and i finally got my mcdonalds ( which i dont need ).
i need to go back to working out and not eating all this crap. i need to lose weight. or i wont be happy.
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