Dear Self,

don't cry. Whatever you do, don't. You're stronger than that, and dont really need to. I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm just so annoyed. I'm frustrated. I'm tired of living this stupid life with these stupid things and these stupid memories that haunt me when I try to sleep. I'm tired of worrying about who's picking me up from work, who's gonna take me to work, how I'm doing this, or that. I'm tired of caring about everything. I'm so sick of school. I kick myself because I get bad grades, I dont get bad grades. That's never been my thing. I'm trying to be strong for everyone else, but I'm at a breaking point. The customers were extra mean tonight, extra stuck up, Joseph , Ryan and Billy came through the drive thru, Ryan now has a facebook, we're not friends but I saw it and saw things that shouldn't have hurt me, but they did. Why I still "care" about that whole situation idk, I mean its not like I really do, I guess i'd rather not know anything at all about him so I don't even think about it. I'm over him, I know I am 100%, but still.

Anyways, enough on that. I'm still not too thrilled about sharing a room with my sister. I'm trying to put on my big girl smile / face for everyone but i'm so pissed. I'm seventeen years young. I need my own personal space/room. I can't share with someone who's 13 and is annoying ( just the fact that shes a little sister makes the annoying part come in. ) Plus, I don't like the idea at all. I want to get my freaking license, get a car, and move away. Far far away where I don't even have to worry about anything but creating my life and living my life. I want to fall in love so badly. Maybe thats why its not happened. I swear I havent been focusing on it a lot at all. I don't care about boys. And i've also learned I don't even want to associate myself with dumba's. Some people who i thought were my "best friends" only ditch me when they find their girlfriends, but i mean its okay, but sometimes you can still talk to me, still make sure i'm okay, and especially when i'm venting to you, you can sure as crap text me back! Like thanks alot for the support, and I dont want to hear your excuses. You're complaining about me moving away since you moved back.. but yet you make no effort to talk to me, no effort to text me or to invite me to hang out. Instead all you're worried about is lining your car with tubes for easier ways to get High, and going through with your pothead friends smashing mailboxes like we're twelve. Are you seriously ever gonna grow up? Do you have to die to realize that you're stupid? Cause it sure annoys the piss outta me. So, while you do your thing, ima do mine, AND not give two cents what you're messing around with or messing up. Sorry.

I don't to write my paper, I really don't even know how to do it, but I have too. And thats all that matters. So tomorrow im going to do that, and whatever.












screw everything. im going to my cave/: .