It's finally settled and over.

And I couldn't feel more relieved. I put everything out there, he told me everything he felt, and it hurt a little, yes, but I feel SO much more better now that I have an answer. I erased everything from him, deleted his number, and prayed that I could really get over him now. Honestly, I woke up this morning with a feeling of peace from God that everything will be fine. I truly believe it. I just need help with my depression, so I think my parents are working on finding someone for me to talk to. Honestly, I think I need to be back in church. A good church. Honestly, I wouldn't mind going back to mine. I think I made up all these excuses on why I couldn't/wouldn't go there, but they were only that. Excuses. So I wouldnt have to stop doing all these bad things I was doing. So I wouldn't go in there feeling hypocritical. Smoking, drinking, cursing, having sex, all that I was doing, wasn't right. I'm so stupid for doing it all. I dont regret it, because it took me so low that I finally figured out I only needed God again to come back up. It showed me a whole other side that just wasn't for me. I guess thats why i've been getting really annoyed lately with how my friends are acting. They're bothering me. That's not good. But I need to figure myself out before I worry about them. I might need some time, some separation from them, but I need to get out of this pit of hell. I hate the devil. He put me here. But thats only because i surrounded myself with people and things that were totally wrong for me. When I lost my best friend, I honestly believe that It should have stayed that way. I mean I love the kid, but after starting being friends with him again, and meeting Ryan, things went downhill. It was fun for a season, but afterward it has only caused me heartbreak, hurt, hate, struggles, depression etc. I'm so done with that. I dont ever want to hurt this bad ever again. People told me to get over it, and move on, but they didnt know how bad I was struggling. I would have rather been dead then deal with all of that. And I'm not just saying that. No one really knows how low I had hit. But thankfully I found my way back out. This song is going to be my motto. My motto to get me happy. I'm beautiful in the eyes of God and I don't need to change myself or do bad things to get people to like me. If he likes me, that all that really matters.

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late, you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear, they can all be washed away

By the one who's strong, can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry, all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light, He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

That there could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
There could never be a more beautiful you